Give Yourself a Hand: Part Two (Female Masturbation!)

Our guest writer is a UNC graduate student in public health who focuses on sexual health and the social factors that influence it.

GIVE YOURSELF A HAND, PART TWO

Female masturbation! In Give Yourself A Hand: Part One, I explored varying perspectives on female masturbation throughout history and some of its less obvious benefits. Here, I offer an introduction into its mechanics for those female-bodied readers newer to the solo no-pants dance. Because I wanted you to be informed by more than my thoughts and experiences, I solicited the input of lady friends across the country. To those wonderful women who opened their bedroom doors to us, I offer my sincerest thanks.

Masturbation can be defined as self-stimulation of genitalia for sexual pleasure. I like this broad definition, because it reminds us that there are no rules about how and with whom you masturbate, and that masturbation does not need to result in orgasm in order to be pleasurable. Still, in the varied forms that female masturbation takes, there are a few key things to keep in mind:

50 Shades of Curious: Beginning a BDSM Conversation with Your Partner

BDSM is an acronym for bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism. BDSM activities can range from light slapping, to bondage, to intense use of sex toys and other tools. Despite what popular media may like us to believe, there are no significant differences in rates of psychopathology, depression, anxiety, OCD, and psychological sadism and masochism between folks who practice BDSM sex play and those who don’t (Connoly 2006). In essence, folks who practice BDSM are not violent, they aren’t “crazy”, and their BDSM practices don’t leave them psychological troubled. According to the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, approximately 18-20% of folks have been blindfolded during sex, 30-32% of folks have tied someone up or been tied up during sex, and 38-50% of folks have been spanked during sexual activity.

Knowing that so many folks engage in BDSM, and that it doesn’t have to include being locked up in a basement dungeon…are you thinking you may be interested?

talk first, then play

Communication is the first step to exploring BDSM with a partner. Be clear about what you want, what you’re open to exploring, and what your limits are. It’s also important to keep in mind that your sex partner(s) may be exploring BDSM for the first time, or they may have previous experience.

Just as you would like your sex partner to do for you, it’s important to:

• be respectful of your partner’s limits
• be willing to explore their desires
• not criticize, ridicule, or poke fun at their sex play interests
• uphold agreements and privacy

There are helpful worksheets  and checklists you can print out to get the conversation started, which list a range of light to intense BDSM activities and provide space for you and your partner to voice whether you think each sounds super-hot, is something you’re up for discussing, or is something that is off-limits.

ready to explore?

The urge to engage in or explore consensual BDSM may be confusing for some folks, especially those who identify as feminists, whose ancestors have historically been enslaved or beaten, or folks who have experienced sexual assault or relationship abuse in the past. For more dialogue on the reconciliation between BDSM play and feminism, check out feminist sex and relationship columnist Jessica Wakeman’s articles First Time for Everything and Slap Happy and Sylvia Fox’s article Reconciling Feminism with an Interest in BDSM which can be purchased online or in print.

Being a survivor of interpersonal violence who is interested in BDSM does not necessarily mean you have not healed from your experience.  Abuse and assault are not about sex, they’re about power and control. BDSM is about the consensual play of dominant and submissive sexual relationships and mutual arousal resulting from these activities.  Just as a survivor of interpersonal violence can maintain or regain interest in sex after being assaulted or abused, they can also regain or become interested in consensual BDSM.

Here are some red flags that a BSDM sex partner may in fact be abusive:

• Ignoring safe words
• Not respecting your limits, negotiations, agreements, or contracts
• Pushing you into a D/S relationship too quickly
• Belittling your ideas or suggestions for sex play
• ONLY interacting with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if they are always role-playing
• Threatening or coercing you into engaging in submission or BDSM activities outside of your comfort zone

Check out the books The Loving Dominant (Warren & Warren, 2008) and The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge (Taramino, 2012) if you’re interested in learning more about BDSM practices and the BDSM community.

If you’re concerned you or someone you know may be being coerced, pressured, or forced into engaging in sexual activities they’re not ready for or aren’t interested in, check out the information and resources at safe.unc.edu or the Orange County Rape Crisis Center.

                                                          References
Connoly, P. (2006). Psychological functioning of bondage/domination/sado-masochism practitioners. Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality, 18(1).

Is Pre-Gaming a Good Idea?

College students, if they choose to drink, pre-game at higher rates than other populations. But is pre-gaming a good idea, or does it lead to more negative consequences than good?

College students tell us they pre-game for a variety of reasons: to avoid underage drinking tickets at a bar or dance club, to spend less money on alcohol, or because they attend a party ahead of time where drinking occurs.

While avoiding legal trouble and spending less on alcohol are admirable goals, does pre-gaming help? According to the research, pre-gaming actually results in a higher likelihood of heavy drinking, spending more money, hangovers, blackouts, and risky behaviors like vandalism.

This is because pre-gaming lowers your inhibitions and impairs your ability to make good decisions later in the night, like alternating alcoholic drinks with water, or knowing to stop drinking when you’ve reached your limit. The research, by author Florian Labhart of the Addiction Switzerland Institute in Lausanne, indicates that on nights that don’t involve pre-gaming people drink less on average, and are less likely to experience the negative effects associated with having too much alcohol.

Here at Campus Health we have harm-reduction approach, which means that we are not making any judgments with regards to alcohol or drugs. We focus on helping students identify ways they can reduce their risks for alcohol and other drug related harm, and we help students put in place strategies that they find useful to avoid the negative consequences that they identify.

So if you choose to drink, make sure that you are aware of the risks involved, and make sure you know that pre-gaming is not always as good of an idea as it sounds.

As always, stay safe, and stay healthy!

Inspired by this post in Men’s Health

Lingering questions from “Orgasm? Yes Please!”

Your Questions from “Orgasm? Yes, Please!” 

We had a great time hosting ”Orgasm? Yes Please!” a couple of Fridays ago to a rowdy audience of over 300 UNC students! Big thanks for The Daily Tarheel for sending some love our way, to our co-sponsors Project Dinah, UNC Panhellenic Council, and to our collaborators on stage, Interactive Theater Carolina.

During the presentation, the audience texted in their anonymous questions. We didn’t have time to answer everything at the event, so we’re here today to  address some of your questions that we missed. Some of them we’ve blogged about before!

You asked, “G-spot, fact or fiction?”

Recent research has shown that “even though the majority of women believe that the G-spot exists, even if they don’t have one, we’ve all been fooled.  Sort of.” Read more!

You asked, “Is having sex while on your period really an option? How is that sanitary?”  

It’s entirely a matter of taste, and “if you are worried about the aesthetics of it, you can always throw down a towel first and then go for it!” Read more!

You asked, “Are Trojans the most effective condom? “

All condoms whose labels indicate they are for sexual use (aka, not “novelty items”) are required to pass the same tests for efficacy as they are “regarded by the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) as Class II medical devices, a designation that includes pregnancy tests and powered wheelchairs.  Products in this category have to meet special labeling requirements and performance standards.”  Read more!

You asked, “Are STI tests on campus free?”

The CHECS  office offers a free blood HIV test! Otherwise, the price depends on your insurance. Campus Health website has information on pricing without insurance! Read more!

Free Oraquick rapid test will be available on World AIDS Day, being celebrated 11/30/12 on the UNC Campus. Free testing will be available on a walk-in basis from 11am-5pm in the UNC Student Union.

You asked, “Would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses or one horse size duck?”

You know, I’m going to have to think about that one.

Stay tuned for more! We’ll be answering other questions from “Orgasm? Yes Please!” in upcoming blog posts.

Can I get an ‘Amen’ for hooking up?

And this is sin and this is good
Now lover don’t regress to shame
I know that god was with us girl,
I heard you call his name (Oh my god)

 - Bodies, Soul Miners’ Daughter

Some say that the higher power you pray to and hookups don’t mix.  Since many people define a “hookup” as a) random, b) racy, and c) often party-fueled, many religions and spiritual traditions understandably aren’t jumping on the hookup bandwagon too quickly.

Even the less random, less party-fueled, and less racy interactions – you know, good ol’ consensual sex, sometimes in the context of a loving relationship – and the  celibacy until marriage often condoned by religious traditions serve as two divergent aspirations. How do students reconcile these so-called angels and demons?

Fritas’ book, Sex and the Soul

Donna Freitas, an associate professor of religious studies at Boston University, interviewed students at a variety of higher education institutions around the country for her book, “Sex and the Soul.” She came to the conclusion that students struggle with reconciling their faith and sexuality. The the sex-promoting messages from peers, media, and one’s own body result in feelings of shame and guilt on the spiritual side – a far cry from the positive feelings, the “Oh. My. God.,” and, for some, the spiritual connection that can be gained from sexual experiences.

The question, then, is whether it is possible to be spiritual or religious, be sexy and even sexual, and not regress to shame.

Perhaps we can start with thinking about it. So…

Step one – think about it. I started by thinking about the side of me that has faith and the side of me that has sex (it’s cool, I’m married – - and the fact that I felt the need to add that caveat exactly proves my point). I thought about where the two sides of me mix. You might consider having the same conversation with yourself.

Step two – talk about it. I started by talking about faith with my friends – and, when it felt safe, asking about sex in the context of faith. If you want to go further, you might even sit down with your spiritual leader or (gasp!) your family to have an open conversation about sex in your religious tradition.

Step three…well, that’s probably another post for another time.

What do you think? Can we reconcile our spiritual and sexual sides?

 

I linked to these above, but I gotta give some mad props.

To Soul Miner’s Daughter: for capturing the sweet sultriness of a spiritual hookup in song form via Bodies.

To Donna Freitas for diving into this question on a dissertation-sized scale.

And to the journalism students at UC Berkely for putting together an amazing website, Moral Compass, that shows what spiritual leaders from a variety of faith traditions teach on pre-marital sex, contraception, LGBTQ issues, women’s rights, and, yes, even abortion.

“Can you get pregnant while breastfeeding?”

Last semester, I overhead some students talking about how Tori Spelling got pregnant one month after giving birth even though she was breastfeeding. I’ve never really understood breastfeeding-as-contraception, so I did some research about LAM, aka Lactational Amenorrhea Method.

My hope is to provide an overview of LAM to folks who are unfamiliar with this method and blew it off as just another sexual health acronym (IUD, NFP, PID, HIV, HPV, HSV, etc). If you are interested in using this method, please consult your health care provider for more detailed guidance. Check out my last blog entry Are you pregnant or parenting at UNC? for more info on resources available UNC.

What is Lactational Amenorrhea Method? Lactational Amenorrhea Method is a contraception method where a woman relies on exclusive breastfeeding to change her body’s hormonal balance to prevent pregnancy. This method can work up to the first six months of the infant’s life, which is also the duration for which the WHO and American Academy of Pediatricians recommends exclusive breastfeeding.

How does LAM work? Time to get your Anatomy & Physiology extra credit!

Are you pregnant or parenting at UNC?

What an impressive juggling act! Hats off to you. You’re doing important work!

Let me tell you about a few of the resources available for you locally:

•

HPV and Men

Did you know that the CDC recommends that men get vaccinated against HPV (human papilloma virus)? It’s true! The CDC now recommends the HPV vaccine Gardasil for both men and women ages 9-26 years old.

Man, HPV is confusing. So true! My fellow CHECS counselor Diana has written a great blog entry about HPV. I want to reiterate that there are over 100 strains of HPV that are transmitted through skin/skin contact in the genital region. Some strains of HPV don’t do anything. Some cause genital warts. Some cause cancers. Gardasil vaccinates against four common strains: HPV-16 & HPV-18 (which cause most of the cancers) and HPV-6 & HPV-11 (which cause 90% of genital warts).

You probably noticed that Gardasil does not vaccinate against all strains of HPV. This means that Gardasil reduces risk of infection but cannot entirely prevent it. It’s still important to take other risk reduction steps, like using condoms and dental dams.

Also note that there is another HPV vaccine available for women, but not men, called Cervarix. It only vaccinates against HPV-16 & HPV-18 (which cause most of the cancers).

I thought HPV was a women’s health issue.

Condom effectiveness: What’s brand name got to do with it?

Condoms are one of the most commonly used contraceptive/STD prevention products used worldwide. The United Nations Population Fund estimated that over 10 billion condoms were used in 2005.  Here on campus, Campus Health Services provides thousands of condoms to students each year.

As a sexual health counselor, I have noticed that many people’s preferences for certain condom brands are based (almost entirely) on their perception of that condom brand’s effectiveness. We offer a variety of condom brands for free to students through Campus Health Services. Occasionally, when people check out the condoms we have available, they’ll ask: “are those safe to use?”, and “don’t those break more than [other condom brand]?”.

So, do some condoms in fact perform better than others in terms of STD/pregnancy prevention?

The answer is no, not really. Condoms are regarded by the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) as “Class II medical devices”, a designation that includes pregnancy tests and powered wheelchairs.  Products in this category have to meet special labeling requirements and performance standards. For condoms, the FDA standards include systematic “water leak” tests to ensure that no fluid can leak out of the condoms. To meet standards, all condoms must have at least 996 out of 1,000 condoms, on average, pass this test. This means that FDA-approved condoms must be at least 99.6% effective in laboratory tests to be available to consumers.

In a 2004 publication, Walsh and colleagues used condom use data from trials of three bands of condoms, including Trojan, LifeStyles and Ramses – all of which are FDA-approved condom brands. Out of 3,677 condom-protected sex acts analyzed in the study, the authors found that 55 condom acts failed, either due to breaking (16 condoms broke; break rate = 0.04%) or slipping (39 condoms slipped; slip rate = 1%). The likelihood of condoms breaking during sex was not statistically associated with condom brand.

FDA-approved condoms are all quite effective at preventing pregnancy and STD, and performance is probably not related to brand type. You might be wondering if the condoms you’re using are FDA-approved. With the exception of novelty condoms (which are pretty uncommon), just about all of the condoms you’ll come across in the United States are approved by the FDA.  All the condoms we provide through Campus Health Services are FDA-approved, and same goes for places like Planned Parenthood and local STD/HIV clinics. If you’d like to be certain, you can check the condom packet to look for wording about STD and pregnancy prevention. If it’s on the packet, those condoms meet federal regulations for quality and safety.

Check out the following pictures to see how we’ve looked for this language on some condoms we provide at Campus Health Services:

If you can’t find language about STD/HIV prevention on condom packaging, then it’s not FDA approved.

If you can’t find language about STD/HIV prevention on condom packaging, then it’s not FDA approved for STD/HIV and pregnancy prevention.

All of this said, although condoms must be at least 99.6% effective in safety trials, testing conditions do not necessarily mean 99.6% real-life effectiveness for any condom brand. But here’s the good news:  there’s a lot you can do to increase the effectiveness of condoms. One of the biggest challenges to condom effectiveness is correct use.  Some of the most common errors with condom use are: using the wrong lubricant (water-based, NOT oil-based, lubricants should be used with condoms); incorrect storage (ie, storing a condom in a hot place, like a glove compartment, or in a place with lots of friction, like a wallet or pocket); and not checking the expiration date.

“Why do I feel pain during sex?”

Sex is supposed to feel good! Sex might not be earth-shattering every time and that’s just part of life, but sometimes penetrative vaginal sex can be downright physically painful. Why? There’s no one single answer. A variety of physical and emotional issues can play a role. Here are some possibilities to consider.