The Perfect Body—Get it NOW!

Now you’re expecting me to list all the healthy tips and tricks that will promise a skinnier, firmer, flatter you by Spring Break. Ha! I tricked you. No, I will not be offering any weight loss, fitness, nutrition, or diet advice in this blog. But I hooked you with that title, didn’t I?

The perfect body. I hate that word, perfect. I hate how easily it gets paired with the word body. In our culture, a perfect body is one without flaw. And that typically means airbrushed to death and petite with curves, but only in certain places (tits- and ass-type places).

Striving for our perfect body ideal turns beautiful people into calorie-counting, self-doubting dieters: “Oh, I couldn’t possibly eat that…it’ll go straight to my thighs!”

It drives us to passively insult our bodies by extoling others: “You’re so lucky; I don’t have the figure to pull off that outfit!”

It teaches women (and men[1]) to fear their weight and hide their softer sides and to look in the mirror with disgust and shame. It teaches men that women should be flat-bellied, big-breasted, and hairless below the eyebrows. And it robbed me of all that precious time I wasted in my teens and twenties thinking my thighs were too fat for skinny jeans and my stomach too soft for a bikini.

But our perfect body ideal is not universal. A year ago, I wrote a blog post (So Cosmo Says You’re Fat….) about how women are more than their bodies, even though our media tries to convince us otherwise. I talked about my life in Ghana, West Africa, where women have a totally different take on the perfect body. My co-workers often complimented me with “Have you put on weight? You look so nice and fat today.” And my Ghanaian friend, Freda, expressed envy at my cellulite.

Well, last summer, Freda moved to New Jersey with her husband. She no longer says “nice and fat.” Now she thinks she’s too fat, and we all know that fat = bad. In under a year, Freda traded in the round-hipped, soft-bellied Ghanaian ideal and joined the ranks of self-doubting dieters. But Freda is not alone.

I recently finished Dr. Cynthia Bulik’s (head of UNC’s Center of Excellence for Eating Disorders) book Crave for a class I am taking. The book focuses on binge eating disorder and touches on our society’s destructive impact on body image. Dr. Bulik writes about how women compare themselves to the perfect bodies of models and celebrities, and how striving for the perfect body leads many women to disordered eating and self-loathing. There it is. The Perfect Body. Ugh!

What makes this so-called perfect body perfect? Who decided that perfect equals smooth and skinny? Not my friend, Freda. Not the women in Ghana who call each other “nice and fat.” And definitely not me. I think Dr. Bulik would agree that assigning the word perfect to the superskinny-spray-tanned magazine bodies only reinforces the ridiculous ideal that we fight so hard to change.Those bodies are only perfect because we keep calling them perfect. And that needs to change.

Assuring women that they don’t need to strive for the perfect body is not enough. We have to redefine what perfect means.

So then, what is a perfect body?

I’m gonna whip out my BA in Classics for a minute and lay some etymology on you (ah, Murphy Hall….always in my heart). Perfect comes from the Latin word perficere, meaning “to finish” or “to complete” and perfectus, the past participle of perficere, translates “having been completed.” Therefore, a perfect body would be a “finished” or “completed” body. A completed body.

This reminds me of how new parents welcome their fresh-from-the-womb infants, counting fingers and toes, as they take in all the parts of their new baby. Ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes and one nose. In reality, this is not quality control, folks—I don’t know any parents that would hand their baby back if missing a toe or sporting an extra finger. Rather, they are surveying this fully-formed, completed human being that began a mere 9 months ago as an idea, a kiss, a collection of cells. Just taking it all in. This complete little human being.

Can you imagine critiquing a little infant the way many of us pick at our own bodies?

Last year, I wrote about how we are more than our bodies. But, the truth is, our bodies are still a big part of who we are. They are a part of what completes us. And how we feel about our bodies, how we treat our bodies, reflects how we feel about ourselves.

So, I guess I didn’t trick you, after all. Since the day I was born, when my parents held me that very first time and explored all my little fingers and toes, my body has been complete. It is already perfect.

And so is yours.

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More on Dr. Bulik and the UNC Center of Excellence for Eating Disorders here.

Awesome body image resources:

http://www.about-face.org/

http://everydayfeminism.com/tag/health-beauty/

http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/blog/

A more clinical perspective: http://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-body-image.html

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[1] Men: I cringe every time I hear you talk about your own body shame. I don’t mean to leave you out of this conversation. I have focused on women for this blog, because I am a gal, and I am speaking from my own experience. However, I do understand that the Perfect Body ideal affects ya’ll too, and I welcome your comments!

Keeping Your Mind and Heart Healthy: Mental Illness and Dating Relationships Part 2

Although dating relationships in which one partner has a mental illness are not often spoken about, we know that such relationships can’t be all that unusual since one in four young adults between the ages of 18 and 24 have a diagnosable mental illness[i] and more than 25% of college students have been diagnosed or treated by a professional for a mental health condition within the past year[ii]. Given that dating and relationships are a huge part of college and mental illnesses affect folks in various but impactful ways, it’s not surprising there are some specific considerations for dating when you have a mental illness.

Here are some tips for folks with mental illness navigating the dating world!

• On Disclosure
  Remember that you are more than your illness and that it does not define you. Give your partner a chance to get to know other parts of you before disclosing your illness. Check out this article on Strength of Us for more on disclosure of mental illness in relationships.
• Self-Advocacy
  Once you choose to disclose, don’t assume your partner will understand everything about your illness, how it affects you, or how you’re handling it. You can advocate for yourself by being open with your partner about how they can support you and seeking out professional help when you need it.
• Self-Care
  Taking care of yourself and adhering to any treatment regime a professional has laid out for you is not only good for you, but can also be good for your relationship. Being your best self on your own is important for anyone, whether or not they have a mental illness, before entering a relationship. Check out the counseling and medication management available for students at UNC’s Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) and these self-care tips from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).
• Don’t Settle
  Having a mental illness does not make you less of a person or any less worthy of a happy, fulfilling relationship than anyone else. Don’t settle for an unhealthy or unhappy relationship because you think your illness lessens your value as a partner and what you have to offer.

If the relationship ends, know that a tough breakup may exacerbate the symptoms of your illness. You can help buffer this by asking for help when you need it, reaching out for resources, and keeping in mind that although breakups can be hurtful and difficult to transition, it will get better.

Check out this article by Arthur Gallant about his experience as an adult with Bipolar Disorder in the dating world. If you have a mental illness and are thinking about exploring online dating, you may want to check out one of the numerous online dating sites specifically for folks with chronic physical or mental illness.

For information on how abusive relationships specifically impact folks with mental illness, check out this mental illness and relationship abuse fact sheet from Safe Place, in Austin, TX.

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[i] Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (n.d.). Mental health: What a difference student awareness makes. Retrieved from http://www.stopstigma.samhsa.gov/publications/collegelife.aspx?printid=1&.

[ii] American College Health Association (2012). American College Health Association-National College Health Assessment II: Reference Group Executive Summary Spring 2012. Retrieved from http://www.acha-ncha.org/docs/ACHA-NCHA-II_ReferenceGroup_ExecutiveSummary_Spring2012.pdf.

Keeping Your Mind and Heart Healthy: Mental Illness & Dating Relationships Part 1

Any relationship can feel strains when one of the partners has a bad day. For folks struggling with mental illness, letting their partner know they’re having a bad day is made significantly more difficult due to the stigma of their struggles and the complexity of disclosure of a mental illness to an intimate partner. Mental illnesses affecting college students vary and may include disorders related to anxiety (e.g. generalized anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, etc.), mood (e.g. depression, bipolar disorder, etc.), or eating (e.g. bulimia or anorexia nervosa).

Before we get into the reality of dating relationships wherein one or both partners has a mental illness, I’d like to toss out some myths about folks with mental illness. Contrary to what recent media coverage of the Sandy Hook tragedy may be implying, having a mental illness does not make you a violent and/or dangerous person. Studies actually show that folks with mental illness are more likely to be victims of violence than to perpetrate it[iii], and are even more likely to be victims of violent crime than those without a mental illness[iv]. While mental illness may be portrayed in television and movies as something that leads folks to an inevitable life spent in hospitals or prisons, folks with mental illness often lead typical lives going to college, working, and dating, just like anyone else.

Here are some tips for folks navigating that (it turns out, not so unique) situation!

Let’s start with some tips for partners of folks with mental illness:

• Use Person-First Language and Behavior
  Your partner is a person, individual, and a bunch of wonderful things other than their illness. Don’t refer to them in a way that categorizes them as a disorder, and instead reflect in your language what you know to be true: that your partner is a devoted fan of How I Met Your Mother, a hardworking Russian Language and English Lit double major, a lover of sweet frog and Carolina basketball, a supportive friend, and a super-hot and hilarious individual, who happens to have a mental illness.  e.g. Your partner is not “anorexic”, your partner is “a person with anorexia”.
• Respect Your Partner’s Privacy
  Mental health is a really private thing for most folks, so even if your partner is open about their struggles to others, don’t take it upon yourself to share their story or press for details or feel entitled to know everything about the origin, onset, or current treatment of their illness.
• Be Flexible
  Be understanding and patient with your partner surrounding things that may be particularly difficult for them as a result of their illness. Depending on their particular struggles, this may involve not eating out for dates, hanging out in small groups rather than going to huge parties when you spend time together, avoiding certain sexual activities, or various other things. How do you find out how you can support your partner and not unknowingly agitate their symptoms? Communicate with your partner and ask, instead of assuming.
• Play Fair
  Don’t throw a diagnosis into an argument where it doesn’t belong, or use your partner’s illness as an excuse to treat them unfairly.
• Remember Self-Care, and Seek Out Support for Yourself
  Although you may care very much about your partner and it may be understandably frustrating to watch someone you care about struggle with a mental illness, it is not your job as their partner to “fix it”. You can however, be a resource for your partner. Just as you would recommend the Learning Center for a friend who is struggling with classes, you can let your partner know about the resources available at CAPS at UNC Campus Health. You may want to seek out support for yourself, by joining UNC’s campus chapter of NAMI or perusing NAMI’s website for local support groups available for partners and family members of people with a mental illness.

If you’re interested in learning more about mental illness and college students, check out National Alliance on Mental Illness’ 2011 survey report College Students Speak.

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[iii] Appleby, L., Mortensen, P. B., Dunn, G., & Hiroeh, U. (2001). Death by homicide, suicide, and other unnatural causes in people with mental illness: a population-based study. The Lancet, 358, 2110-2112.

[iv] Hiday, V. A. (2006). Putting Community Risk in Perspective: a Look at Correlations, Causes and Controls. International Journal of Law and Psychiatry, 29, 316-331.

Give Yourself a Hand: Part Two (Female Masturbation!)

Our guest writer is a UNC graduate student in public health who focuses on sexual health and the social factors that influence it.

GIVE YOURSELF A HAND, PART TWO

Female masturbation! In Give Yourself A Hand: Part One, I explored varying perspectives on female masturbation throughout history and some of its less obvious benefits. Here, I offer an introduction into its mechanics for those female-bodied readers newer to the solo no-pants dance. Because I wanted you to be informed by more than my thoughts and experiences, I solicited the input of lady friends across the country. To those wonderful women who opened their bedroom doors to us, I offer my sincerest thanks.

Masturbation can be defined as self-stimulation of genitalia for sexual pleasure. I like this broad definition, because it reminds us that there are no rules about how and with whom you masturbate, and that masturbation does not need to result in orgasm in order to be pleasurable. Still, in the varied forms that female masturbation takes, there are a few key things to keep in mind:

Healthy Heels Weekend!

After a dreary and drizzle-filled week in Chapel Hill, there are two things that I can’t wait to see. . . the sun and the weekend. Thankfully, both of those are coming tomorrow! So in this edition of Healthy Heels Weekend, let’s look at some outside activities that can help you soak iup some Vitamin D, shake out that midterm stress, and re-charge your batteries for your next adventure!

OCLQ’s Fest-O-Fall, Thursday 7pm

Crash Old Campus Lower Quad’s event and get in the mood for fall with games and apple cider. Here is the link to the Facebook event and here is a video that is pretty epic.

Frozen Yogurt with Friends Friday Night

Round up some of your peeps and get some Sweet Frog (throw some blueberries on it, that’s healthy, right?) for a good cause. Mention Relay for Life and proceeds go their way. That a sweet deal! (couldn’t resist). Facebook link here.

Hike the Bolin Creek Trail

A great walk/jog close to campus that can help relieve the stress of exams. Get a map here and go anytime the weather is nice. Like this Friday and Saturday!

Crossfit Workout Thursday Night

Go checkout Crossfit UNC, and the crazy fun workouts they do! It’s open to all experience and fitness levels. Go here to learn more!

Carolina Football Game

Bring a water bottle and some sunscreen and cheer on the Tarheels as we take on Virginia Tech. Game time is 12:30 on Saturday.

As always, have fun and stay safe this weekend in Chapel Hill!

Healthy Heels Weekend

It’s time for another Healthy Heels weekend, and the beautiful weather came just in time.  It’s going to be a dream weekend for any music or drama buffs out there.  Also, there will be plenty of opportunities to cheer on the Tarheels.  Details below:

 

 

Music on the Street – Tubby Ridge Band (FREE)

Friday, September 28, 6 PM, Modern Fossil Parking Lot, Weaver Street

 

“Tubby Ridge’s catchy gypsy folk tunes have delighted audiences at venues such as the Festival for the Eno, Pinecone’s Summer Music Concert at Bond Park, and Durham Art Walk. Featured on NPR’s Car Talk, American Songwriter Magazine, and Celtic Roots Radio. The band includes award-winning guitarist Justin Johnson and noted blues singer Lise Uyanik.”

 

 

Carrboro Music Festival (FREE)

Sunday, September 30, 1 PM, throughout Carrboro

 

“The day long, free festival features all styles of music at numerous indoor and outdoor venues around downtown Carrboro. In the space of a few hours (and within a few blocks) a listener can hear Bluegrass, Folk, Jazz, Country, Rock & Roll, Classical, and World Music. There remains a consistent effort to showcase Triangle area performers and the varied musical styles they represent. All of the performers donate their talents to foster a strong sense of community and as a way to reveal their talents to a wider audience.”

There will be over 180 acts in 25 venues.  Checkout http://carrboromusicfestival.com/ for the schedule.

 

 

CUAB movies @ The Union

 

Seeking a Friend at the End of the World
Friday, September 28, 7pm
Saturday, September 29, 9:30pm

 

Being Flynn
Friday, September 28, 10:30pm
Saturday, September 29, 7pm

 

 

Playmakers @ Center for Dramatic Art – RED

Friday, September 28, 7:30 PM

Saturday, September 29, 7:30 PM

Sunday, September 30, 2:00 PM

 

PlayMakers Mainstage Season opens with the 2010 Tony Award-winner for Best Play. “Red” takes you into the studio of Mark Rothko, pioneer of abstract expressionism, and into the mind of an artist wrestling with the eternal struggle between art and commerce. Seen through the eyes of his young, increasingly challenging assistant, Rothko agonizes over a lucrative project painting murals for the new Four Seasons Restaurant. Has he sold out to fame and fortune or is he still a real artist?

Tickets start at $15

 

 

UNC Sports

 

Women’s Soccer vs. #1 Florida State

Thursday, September 27, 7:00 PM, Fetzer Field

 

Football vs. Idaho

Friday, September 29, 3:30 PM, Kenan Stadium

 

Volleyball vs. Georgia Tech

Sunday, September 30, 1:00 PM, Carmicheal Arena

Healthy Heels Weekend

Summer’s slow carefree days are winding down: sunsets are earlier, nights are nippier.  More time spent pecking at a keyboard and highlighting journal articles, less time reading a juicy novel in the sun or playing Frisbee on the lawn.  Yep, fall semester is officially underway.  And as I stare down those first assignment deadlines and try to kickstart my brain back into school mode, I must remember that even the most diligent student needs a break, especially on the weekend…

Top picks for this weekend:

Bluegrass Band Town Mountain at Merritt’s Store and Grill

Friday at 6:00pm

Listen to live bluegrass and enjoy a delicious sandwich hot off the grill—what a perfect way to celebrate North Carolina livin’

 

Free movies at the Union

Friday, September 14, 10pm
Saturday, September 15, 7pm

Happens Friday and Saturday nights throughout the semester.  This week, it’s “The Avengers”

 

 

Nina Simone…What More Can I Say? One-Act, One-Woman Play.  

Saturday at 7pm

This tribute to the legendary singer takes place at the Sonja Hanes Center and it’s FREE. 

Sunburn and Your Skin (OUCH!)

Here it is! The requisite summer blog on sunscreen! There is something about the summer heat that just makes my wellness brain say, “You know Sarah, you should write a blog on sunscreen.” So, okay wellness brain, here we go…

Doing a little digging, blogger Dave wrote an amazing blog on sunscreen last year. In it he covers SPF, reapplication, expiration dates, cosmetics and hydration, complete with a  Jersey Shore clip. Clearly I can’t compete with that. So, if you have questions on  SPF, reapplication, expiration dates, cosmetics, hydration or the Jersey Shore, I highly suggest you check out Dave’s aptly named blog, Sunscreen (Complete with a Jersey Shore clip).

Instead, I decided to explore sunburn, i.e. the result of not wearing sunscreen.

(Probably) Not Your Parents’ Summer Book List

It’s summer! Classes are out, the beach is calling your name, and your favorite coffee shop has recovered from finals and has some couches available for your leisurely enjoyment. Summer is the perfect time to crack open a book for pleasure instead of assignment or requirement.

 

I’ve collected a list of some of my favorite books about healthy relationships, GLBTIQ experiences, and general sex-positive vibes. Check them out for some positive, educational, and enjoyable summer reading!

Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape
Eds. Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti
Yes Means Yes aims to end sexual assault by beginning with changing society’s view of women as sexual conquests and instead viewing them as sexual collaborators in the framework of enthusiastic consent. The book provides commentary on media, pornography, and sex education as it encourages both men and women to enjoy sex and sexuality instead of being ashamed about it.
There is a Yes Means Yes blog that you can check out. Both of the authors have Twitter accounts linked on their names above that you can follow as well!

The Guide to Getting it On, Sixth Edition
Author: Paul Joannides
This sex guide has been translated into 12 languages and won 5 awards. Its 928 pages have tips and reliable but down to earth info on everything you can think of, from uncircumcised penises to sex play to myths about menstruation. It is GLBTIQ friendly and very non-judgmental about people’s bodies and their sexual behavior. There are fun illustrations and you don’t have to read it from cover to cover, it’s the perfect book to pull out and flip to a random page to start learning!
The Guide also has a website where there are exerpts on specific topics from the book, as well as links to the book’s facebook page and youtube channel.

Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma
Author: Staci Haines
Haines, an educator in the areas of sex education and somatic healing, put together this sex-positive guide for survivors of sexual assault to support them in saying “yes” to wanted sexual experiences. The author is very direct in her writing, so it’s a good idea to be in a good space when you sit down to read this as it could be triggering. The focus of the book is that not only can sex can be good, positive, and feel safe after you’ve survived a sexual assault, but that having such positive sexual experiences can be an integral part of a survivor’s healing process.

These last two are all super interesting reads and could offer great support to anyone who is questioning their gender identity, gender expression, or sexual orientation, or who is super sure they’re queer and proud of it!

Genderqueer: Voices from Beyond the Sexual Binary
Eds. Clare Howell, Joan Nestle, and Riki Wilchins
This is a collection of 31 true personal stories of gender construction, exploration, and questioning from folks who don’t fit the traditional male/female binary.

Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition
Authors and Eds: Robyn Ochs and Sarah Rowley
Robyn Ochs, one of the authors and editors of Getting Bi, is a bisexual activist who travels to colleges and universities around the country hosting workshops and lectures on breaking beyond or out of the gender binary.
You can “like” Robyn on Facebook or follow her on Twitter if you dig her book!

You can check your local public library or search the UNC library system catalog online here for these books, or see if they’re available on your  kindle, nook, or other fancy electronic reading device!

Where Do You Draw the Digital Line in Your Relationship?

When you’re dating someone or generally boo’d up, it’s natural to want to share things with your partner. Whether you share a lot of personal things about your past or you’re that couple who eats off of each other’s plates at dinner, sharing things with your boo can be a way to show your partner you care about them and is often a positive sign of comfort in a relationship.

There is such a thing as too much sharing however, especially when it comes to your digital privacy. Sharing your facebook or email password with your partner may be tempting, especially if they are someone you really trust, but that information is not as simple as letting them have a fry off of your plate at dinner. Sharing your password to private accounts gives the person access not only to information you send other people, but also information they share with you. This puts your privacy, as well as the privacy of your friends and family that communicate with you online, at risk. If a partner or hook up buddy pressures you to email or text them super-hot pictures of yourself, take a minute to think about what may happen down the line and how much control that person will have by owning private pictures of you. If your boo is constantly texting you wanting to know where you are or who you’re with, or gets unnecessarily frustrated if you don’t respond to a text or IM within .15 seconds, it may be time to have a real in the flesh talk about digital boundaries.

A healthy relationship allows all people involved to retain some space and independence outside of the relationship. Authentic trust between people does not necessitate constantly checking up on someone or having access to all their digital interactions with others. Even if these kinds of requests come off as concern, trust your instincts if the vibe you’re getting is more one of control than affection. Be clear with your boo about what you are and are not comfortable with when it comes to digital privacy, and hopefully you’ll be able to have an honest discussion about their true concerns and move to a healthy place of resolution.

The bottom line is, if someone is pressuring you to give up your digital privacy in a way that you’re uncomfortable with, you have a right to stand your ground and retain whatever boundaries you’re comfortable with. Your online and mobile accounts are all a part of you, and if a partner is controlling, pressuring, or disrespecting you in those spaces, you have a right to feel violated.

 If you’d like to explore issues of digital privacy more in order to assess your relationship, check out www.thatsnotcool.com. If you or a friend is experiencing digital pressure from their partner and you’re worried it may a sign of an abusive relationship, the Family Violence Prevention Center of Orange County has an anonymous hotline available 24/7 where you can chat with a trained advocate at 919-929-7122. You can also use your digital communication skills to get more information by checking out www.loveisrespect.org and chatting online with a trained representative from 5pm-1am EST.